托福考官如何点评作文

写了无数作文,分数就是上不去,到底是为什么?托福考官告诉你_他如何点评一篇托福独立写作


今天我们就用一个托福作文考试的题目来看看外教是如何对考生的文章进行评分的,考生表达的内容要怎么写才能获得高分。


这篇托福作文的题目是:Some University students wish to complete their studies in their home country, while others want to experience studying abroad. Which choice is best? Give specific reasons.


就这个托福作文题目,我们来看看一个考生写的作文:


In recent years, the rate of studying abroad has been rising. It implies that people have a different understanding of education of different countries.


In China, many people go to other countries for more than a university education. Of course, in terms of themselves, they are so outstanding that they can have chances to study abroad.


Overseas, on the one hand, they can further study; on the other hand, they can understand different cultures in different countries. In the future, they can return to serve the people or continue staying in other countries, Why not do it?


However, I wouldn't go as far as to claim that studying at home is worthless. Achievements of University can be seen in three aspects: first, undergraduate education; second, post-graduate education; finally, the contribution to society.


In these three areas, China's universities are done quite well in the first aspect and third aspect. In undergraduate education, the president of Stanford University once said, the Chinese University is the best in the world in training undergraduate students.


In terms of the contribution to society, China has trained a number of high-quality personnel during 20 years since the founding of the PRC because of the rapid development of China. Because in history, the historical status of University of China is very important.


In summary, every coin has two sides. Their choice depends on attitude to studying abroad. Consistent with their ideals, they are the best!

托福作文的点评

接下来我们来看看美教中心的一位资深外教对上面这篇考生文章的点评:


首先,文章整体结构方面,本文存在以下问题:

一,由于语言方面的不足,阻碍了文章主题的清晰表达。例如:英文中可以使用 "I believe / think that studying abroad is ..." 这样的匂式来提出明确軸见点和看法。当然,可取之处在子,文章中各段落主题旬的位置还是比较恰細。


二,本文的结尾段与开头段在主题表达上不一致。结尾段中的第二句话可以放在文章的第一段作为本文的主题。最后,本文在连贯性上也时有欠缺。

文章第三个自然段的论述让人迷惑,很难能一气贯通。这一方面是因为在这一段中使用了冗长的句子(run-on sentences两个或多个分句中缺少恰当的连词或分词),另一方面则还是由子语言上的错误。

其次,从文章内容来看,修改过语言上的问题,再把最后一段的第二句话提前到文章的开头段,整篇文章就有了一个非常清楚且有创意的主题。


一些用以支持应该出国留学的观点的论据选择得很好,清晰有力,比如:可以在不同国家里了解不同的文化。


但是,仍然是由子语言的不足影响了反对出国留学的观点的表达。甚至文章中有一个观点基本与作者的其他论点没有关联(因为在历史上,大学的历史地位·…·· )短文中有些词、:=使用得当,但许多词的使用不是很合适,特别是 "achievements"和 "outstanding"使用不当,请参照下面的具体分析。


最后,词汇和短语方面,存在一些明显使用不恰当的词汇和词语,因此,对于这篇文章的写作语言,外教是这么说的:“...attitude to studying abroad" should say "...attitude towards studying abroad". '...they can have chances" should say "...they can have the chance". "...education of different countries" should say "...education in different countries". '...China's universities are done quite well" should say "...China's universities have done quite well".


以上就是美教中心资深托福写作外教对一篇托福考试独立写作文章的点评,通过上面文章中出现的问题,我们在托福写作考试的时候,也会时不时地出现,看了外教的点评和纠正之后,希望同学们能因此得到启发,托福作文的写作水平再上一个台阶!

相关推荐:

盘点5种托福雅思作文新闻话题的写作

新托福独立写作关于教育类题目盘点




2018年01月08日

如何备考新托福写作考试?
新托福考试关于假设类问题的写作题库

托福考官告诉你_他如何点评一篇托福独立写作?

添加时间:

上一篇

下一篇

托福考官告诉你_他如何点评一篇托福独立写作?

最新文章

热门托福课程

托福考试信息

相关推荐: